Are We Doing Our Children Any Favors?

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I recently received a communication from Jo Young-Switzer, President of Manchester College (and my alma mater), that is worth sharing. It is entitled
Notes from the President.

“Reflections. My reflections are usually fairly upbeat about higher education, but my January time away led me to think about young adults. I worry about them. I worry that some of them rely too much on their parents to solve their problems, from roommate issues to financial predicaments. I worry that too many of them have not developed the ability to delay gratification. I worry that some of them have no clue that loans will need to be repaid because loan dollars that seem so easily available now will soon become painful monthly repayments after graduation.

I am disappointed at how many faculty talk about appointments for which students didn’t show up. I groan at e-mails from parents who assume that their student’s explanation about a disciplinary issue is the complete, truthful story. I am amazed at students who smoke when they know the health risks and complain regularly about the high costs of cigarettes.

We are not treating our young adults well when we do everything for them. That action tells them that we don’t think they can handle their problems on their own. That action denies them the chance to learn how to solve problems-whether the problem is financial or academic or a broken fuel pump. Our children, from toddler age on, need us to teach them about delayed gratification. How can they learn it if the adults in their lives don’t teach them?

Our young adults, including the students at Manchester College, need our help as they grow into adults of ability and conviction. They need us to hold them accountable for what they have said they will do. They need to see us using our financial resources responsibly, paying our bills on time and avoiding credit card debt. They need to see us demonstrating delayed gratification in our own lives so they can learn to do it in their own lives.

They need us to act like the grown-ups we are so that they can mature past the irresponsibility of childhood into responsible adulthood. So the next time a young adult dumps a bag of laundry for you to do, invite her/him into the laundry room and demonstrate how the machines work. Then expect them to do the laundry. Leave the room because, from that point on, your responsibility is to answer questions and not to do the work.”

I don’t know about you, but I think there is a whole lot of truth in what President Young-Switzer has shared. Regardless of our reasons for doing so much for our children, we need to realize that we are not doing our children any favor in the long run, and change our behavior. I also see a lot of the same behavior in the workplace, where supervisors solve staff problems rather than teaching them the thought processes to learn to how to work through business and personnel problems on their own. As our workforces age and as more experienced members retire, we must be developing the talent of our future leaders and team members.